


i've never seen a mouth that i would kill to kiss

by redlight



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Episode: s06e13 Emotional Consequences of Broadcast Television, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 06, idk what this is im sorry, pre-season 6 episode 13, tldr im a clown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlight/pseuds/redlight
Summary: Abed kisses Jeff because he feels like it.
Relationships: Abed Nadir & Jeff Winger, Abed Nadir/Jeff Winger, Annie Edison & Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes & Abed Nadir, mentioned troy/abed and annie/abed and abed/rachel
Comments: 10
Kudos: 142





	i've never seen a mouth that i would kill to kiss

**Author's Note:**

> hi i watched community in a week and im a clown who gravitates to rare ships 
> 
> also abed is the first time ive ever seen a muslim character on tv and hes neuroatypical to boot and im muslim and neuroatypical and i just got really attached and cried a lot ok 
> 
> anyway honk honk welcome to the circus

When Troy leaves, breathing feels like it burns more.

Annie studies by laying on their apartment floor with Abed, her colored pens and organized folders spilling around the two of them like a tornado of productivity.

His laptop is held precariously by his knees as he edits another project for one of his film classes—focusing on the cinematography, hours of his calloused hands slick with sweat against expensive camera equipment, trying to redeem the whole situation by wiping his palms against his flannel, trying to keep his grip on the equipment and the reality around him.

Abed knows the rules because rules make sense—the rule of thirds so that his subject is centered in an aesthetically pleasing way, the camera shots and angles and where he tries to make the music fit with the pan-up on footage—so the study rule is a nice one, too. because the group doesn't really study anymore, they can't, not really? So Annie does her forensics homework on the floor of their apartment where she carefully helped Abed take down the blanket fort. He hasn't replaced Troy's bed, and she doesn't bother him about it—instead she blinks dark-circle eyes at him and twirls a purple pen in the air as though she'll make the right words, thoughts, meanings appear. Fairy Godmother from Cinderella, _bippity boppity boo,_ here comes the answer when she casts her spell.

Annie recites her notes and index cards and Abed responds with scenes from cinema that use whatever technique she's studying. It gives Abed something to focus on while his hands are busy editing and reformatting data and making sure aspect ratio and audio and all that minutiae isn't _freaking out_ at any given moment, and it's useful for Annie because she says she remembers things easier when Abed talks to her about it.

 _Minutiae is what they call all the little details in your fingerprints,_ Annie says, looking over at the dissection board of audio and video clips on Abed's laptop screen, where Ctrl + Z, X, C are his scalpel and stitches and he is the mad doctor trying to hold it all together, think _Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, House_ , Abed's maybe got a bit of an abscess in his library of hospital shows and maybe he needs to catch up—

Annie talks about fingerprint minutiae and Abed nods along and wonders if his skin retains latent fingerprints from old handshakes, handholding, skin touching, nights in pyjamas and his best friend at his side.

Still. That doesn't matter, right? That was in the past. There's always more show to live through.

* * *

Abed kisses Jeff because he feels like it. There's a million different rules on how to do it, how it should be romantic and how rain should be soaking their hair and hiding their tears, but he kind of just does it. Because Jeff's mouth looked soft with chapstick and Abed's stomach lurched a little when Jeff caught his fingers around the crook of his elbow, stopped him from crashing into the doorframe with his eye stuck through a camera viewfinder.

He needs cover footage, but Jeff is taller than him, so he needs to lift up on his feet to kiss him. He's never had to do that, kissing anyone, before. Not that Abed's kissed too many people—would counting be bad? He's kissed Annie, before, but not really, because Abed didn't kiss Annie, Han Solo did. He's kissed Troy, sort of, in a half-forgotten blanket fort and a fear twisted through his insides about Troy leaving and Troy holding his hand with a strength he hardly ever really shows, grip tight enough to hurt. A fumble of words, motor mouth infecting them both, and then Troy's jaw against his and his lips against Troy's.

Abed tries not to think about it. They didn't talk about it, not enough. Troy tried to and Abed didn't let him. Abed said to _stop because you're leaving._

So. He doesn't think of that.

He's kissed Rachel. Rachel was sweet and nice and really did try to _get_ Abed, the way most people don't try to. She tasted like cherry chapstick and Abed had a million thoughts on the tip of his tongue about the iconicism of cherry and chapstick in literature and cinema but she tapped an index finger against his lips and said to take a moment and stop _thinking_ for a minute, so he didn't think.

Abed isn't sure if not thinking is the correct approach to bad cinematic decisions, but he does kiss Jeff, because it feels like he should before he leaves. He hasn't told Jeff that he's leaving, which makes it a little worse, but Jeff doesn't know that when his big hand flies from the crook of Abed's elbow to the bend of his hip, pulling him a little closer, and he murmurs something inaudible but completely _tactile_ against his lips, and, and—

Abed doesn't realize that the gasping sound comes from himself. It's kind of embarrassing. Really embarrassing.

But Jeff kisses him again, another peck, his thumb drawing circles against Abed's hip from beneath the hem of his shirt. He kisses a little desperately, a little like the ending of a tragicomedy, and then he pulls back and hides his face in Abed's hair.

"That was a bad idea, Abed," he mumbles. Abed shrugs and fidgets with his camera settings. The digital viewfinder shows their shoes too close, black loafers and half-tied sneakers entwined intimately, and he realizes a little belatedly that he hasn't stopped recording.

"Do you mean that sarcastically?"

"No, it was bad." Jeff hasn't moved his hand from Abed's skin. "And it's really bad that I wanna do it again."

“Are you going to?”

“Yeah.”

“I need to put my camera down,” Abed says. He feels more frazzled than usual, that is to say, usually he’s not frazzled at all.

But Jeff nods, is the thing, even though his eyes are very much still fixated on Abed’s—not his nose, not his jaw, but his mouth, his lips, and Abed’s stomach lurches blue all over again.

The rental camera is turned off and placed carefully on the study table.

Maybe there should be a pan-out, a concluding montage, or even a fade to black, but Jeff walks close and close to him until Abed is pressed into the wall and he kisses him again.

And again.

It's not raining and there's no confessions of love, no _Notebook_ tragic star-crossing, no _Titanic_ hand-holding and lung-gasping ( _never let go Troy never let go Troy never let go—letting go._ )

They kiss until Jeff is rough in the voice and Abed is dizzy from breathlessness. He's never kissed like that, on tiptoes with his back pressed flat into a wall, with big hands wrapped around his waist, his fingers slipping against the fabric of Jeff's shirt. He's worn Jeff's shirts before, 'cause of bets and jokes and trades, but now the thought of it makes Abed's skin feel molten, rock and Earth crust splashing from the heat—

Abed stumbles backwards, but there's only the wall to be pressed into, claustrophobia rising up in his guts.

Jeff notices. His eyes widen and he takes a step back, and Abed—

Abed swallows an upsurge of lava. "You're right. That was a bad idea."

"Sorry," Jeff says. His voice dips at the end, wavering, and Abed—

He pulls Jeff into a hug, and feels Jeff's arms wrap around him tight and warm, feels the shake and wobble of his chest, and they stay like that, they stay like that.

**Author's Note:**

> yes i referenced bojack horseman and no i do not give refunds


End file.
